Michèle Green’s dear husband, Tim, died four years ago after two decades of treatment for an inoperable brain tumor. May he rest in peace. Michèle and Tim, from Ann Arbor, had been married for 31 years. To coincide with this week’s Feast of Saint Jane of Valois (1464 – 1505), patroness of widows, Jane, who works with Renewal Ministries, now tells her moving story of life without Tim.

⁣“That my joy may be in you and your joy be complete.” (John 14:11) Jesus said this as he was preparing the apostles for priesthood and His Passion. Yet when I experience suffering where is His Joy?⁣

My husband, Tim, died a very holy death in my arms. He smiled looking up at something beyond us as he breathed his last. There was such peace. 

The Lord went into deep silence during which there followed a year of crises, then deep, deep, grief hit me hard for a year. Though there wasn’t despair, my heart was rent wide open, such sorrow, tears, and loneliness! How could this be “fixed?” It can’t! 

The Lord, whose own heart was rent permanently open, was resurrected with His wounds. The Lord gently showed me that like His, my wound is one of love, through which He has greater access to me. I’ve entered into even more wonderful, intimate prayer. 

Surprisingly so many attachments have fallen away with Tim’s death. I am moving from externals to an interior stillness. The Lord took Tim because He was jealous for Him, but He is also jealous for me. It was time for Tim to finish his race and “move on.” But me, I’m not left alone but am in greater intimacy with only Him. He is still ‘silent’ though His love flows freely through these wounds – His Heart to my heart, to others. 

I still miss Tim every day, but I have supernatural joy. I’m not alone. I am held by Him who loves me!